Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The sound of a heart breaking isn’t poetic. It is hollow. It is tragic. It calls for rituals – the denial, the shock, the anger, the disappointment, culminating in hopelessness. Just like a shrinking white star slowly collapsing inwardly, with memory drawn from every breath a blow. It’s like death without the sleeping part.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
the danger of a broken heart is not the pain.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.
the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.
the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.
the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.
the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.
half is not whole.
but now we must make it so.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.
the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.
the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.
the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.
the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.
half is not whole.
but now we must make it so.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.
~Phyllis McGinley, "Ballade of Lost Objects," 1954
Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. ~Dinah Shore
To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. ~Doménico Cieri Estrada
Friday, July 24, 2009
We met before the word "good-bye",
was such a common thing,
A marine fiance was something,
I never wanted to be.
But we fell in love that wintry night,
then you decided to enlist,
to provide a better future,
and you gave me one last kiss.
Three months went by,
the hardest of my life,
reading letters of hardships,
and other recruit strife.
Then Graduation Day did finally come,
my excitement would not rest,
but the loving passionate man he left,
seemed now so emotionless.
But after some home cooked meals,
and a little TLC,
things went back to normal,
until he had to leave.
And yet again we'd say good-bye,
we'd smile and hold back tears,
something we would have to do,
for at least the next five years.
But I don't think I'll ever get used,
to always being left behind,
and trying to be strong when I hear,
him cry on the other line.
But all these hardships and military life,
will only make us stronger,
and in the end our faith, determination,
and love will always conquer.
was such a common thing,
A marine fiance was something,
I never wanted to be.
But we fell in love that wintry night,
then you decided to enlist,
to provide a better future,
and you gave me one last kiss.
Three months went by,
the hardest of my life,
reading letters of hardships,
and other recruit strife.
Then Graduation Day did finally come,
my excitement would not rest,
but the loving passionate man he left,
seemed now so emotionless.
But after some home cooked meals,
and a little TLC,
things went back to normal,
until he had to leave.
And yet again we'd say good-bye,
we'd smile and hold back tears,
something we would have to do,
for at least the next five years.
But I don't think I'll ever get used,
to always being left behind,
and trying to be strong when I hear,
him cry on the other line.
But all these hardships and military life,
will only make us stronger,
and in the end our faith, determination,
and love will always conquer.
"The way you make me feel is indescribable. I havent heard your voice in days, yet i can hear you in my head still constantly telling me that im beautiful. I miss your scent on my clothes, your smile, the way we used to always kiss in the car when we were stopped at a red light. I feel empty without you here, but i know that you are really still here with me...your in my heart."
You think you know me, but you haven't the slightest clue.
Im the brunette standing behind you in line at the grocery store, eyeing the newest "Support Our Troops" magnet while paging through the latest issue of Modern Bride. The look on her face is complacent and her thoughts are thousands of miles away on some military base she's only been verbally described of over the phone.
Im the young girl in the next car with the windows rolled up and the glassy visage only on the road ahead. The radio is set to one of the local country stations which is currently playing "Letters From Home." But you can't hear it because you're talking to a family member or a friend on your cell phone. You catch a glance at the Marines sticker on the bumper of her car but you don't know that when the song reaches my dearest love it's almost dawn, I've been laying here all night long, wondering where you might be, her heart breaks a thousand times.
Im the young woman who is planning an entire wedding on her own, with only the little input she can get from her husband-to-be over the phone.
Im the girl who visits the Marine Corp Wives website at odd hours of the night to find some kind of comfort for that lonesome feeling that has settled in the pit of her stomach.
Im the woman who has fought an inner battle, trying to accept the path the man she loves has chosen. I'm the woman who will willingly sacrifice her family, her home to follow a man clear across the country. I'm the woman who never asked for this but deals with it without complaint.
Im the young woman who swells with pride every time she sees her Marine standing tall in his dress blues. I.m the one who spots a Marine sticker, license plate, or flag and feels a connection with its owner, hoping that maybe she's not alone in this melancholy, sacrificial situation.
Im the one who hates war but knows that it's a necessary thing. I'm the one who supports her President, regardless of her own opinion because he is the boss of her soon to be husband, because he.s the man who our troops are fighting under.
I am the young woman who tries her hardest to go about her everyday life. I am the young woman who tries to concentrate during her classes and do the job she gets paid to do. I am the young woman who hates sleeping alone. I am the young woman who closes her eyes and pretends that the man she loves is laying right there next to her, his arms wrapped around her. I am the young woman who tries not to miss him, who tries not to cry whenever she hears his name or even the mention of soldiers. I am the woman who is terrified that the love of her life will be sent off to war, enabling them to get married when they had planned, hoped, and prayed.
I am many things.
A daughter.
A sister.
A cousin.
A niece.
A co-worker.
A friend.
But most importantly, I am the fiance of a United States Marine.
Im the brunette standing behind you in line at the grocery store, eyeing the newest "Support Our Troops" magnet while paging through the latest issue of Modern Bride. The look on her face is complacent and her thoughts are thousands of miles away on some military base she's only been verbally described of over the phone.
Im the young girl in the next car with the windows rolled up and the glassy visage only on the road ahead. The radio is set to one of the local country stations which is currently playing "Letters From Home." But you can't hear it because you're talking to a family member or a friend on your cell phone. You catch a glance at the Marines sticker on the bumper of her car but you don't know that when the song reaches my dearest love it's almost dawn, I've been laying here all night long, wondering where you might be, her heart breaks a thousand times.
Im the young woman who is planning an entire wedding on her own, with only the little input she can get from her husband-to-be over the phone.
Im the girl who visits the Marine Corp Wives website at odd hours of the night to find some kind of comfort for that lonesome feeling that has settled in the pit of her stomach.
Im the woman who has fought an inner battle, trying to accept the path the man she loves has chosen. I'm the woman who will willingly sacrifice her family, her home to follow a man clear across the country. I'm the woman who never asked for this but deals with it without complaint.
Im the young woman who swells with pride every time she sees her Marine standing tall in his dress blues. I.m the one who spots a Marine sticker, license plate, or flag and feels a connection with its owner, hoping that maybe she's not alone in this melancholy, sacrificial situation.
Im the one who hates war but knows that it's a necessary thing. I'm the one who supports her President, regardless of her own opinion because he is the boss of her soon to be husband, because he.s the man who our troops are fighting under.
I am the young woman who tries her hardest to go about her everyday life. I am the young woman who tries to concentrate during her classes and do the job she gets paid to do. I am the young woman who hates sleeping alone. I am the young woman who closes her eyes and pretends that the man she loves is laying right there next to her, his arms wrapped around her. I am the young woman who tries not to miss him, who tries not to cry whenever she hears his name or even the mention of soldiers. I am the woman who is terrified that the love of her life will be sent off to war, enabling them to get married when they had planned, hoped, and prayed.
I am many things.
A daughter.
A sister.
A cousin.
A niece.
A co-worker.
A friend.
But most importantly, I am the fiance of a United States Marine.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
"I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control, and laugh and dance and fall
and chance and kiss
I’d rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out,
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk".
"Life is trying things to see if they work."
"the past is behind, learn from it.
The future is ahead, prepare for it.
The present is here, live it."
WHAT IS LIFE?
Life is an Adventure ... Dare it
Life is a Beauty ... Praise it
Life is a Challenge ... Meet it
Life is a Duty ... Perform it
Life is a Love ... Enjoy it
Life is a Tragedy ... Face it
Life is a Struggle ... Fight it
Life is a Promise ... Fulfill it
Life is a Game ... Play it
Life is a Gift ... Accept it
Life is a Journey ... Complete it
Life is a Mystery ... Unfold it
Life is a Goal ... Achieve it
Life is an Opportunity ... Take it
Life is a Puzzle ... Solve it
Life is a Song ... Sing it
Life is a Sorrow ... Overcome it
Life is a Spirit ... Realize it
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I am back in Sandy for the night and I found my boxes with all my old pictures, notes, cards and everything in them. While I was looking through the box with all of my high school stuff I found this forward I got when I was 14-years-old. I printed it out and it hung on my bulletin board until I moved out to go to Utah State. When I got this email, I remember that my first thought was that I would never settle for anything less than this because this is what is important to me...
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says "...thats her."
We tend to surround ourselves by people that we feel comfort-able with. But what happens when the people we feel comfort-able with are not the same people that make us feel truly happy? The type of people that you want to surround yourself with are the people who love you for YOU. These are the people that make you feel like you are one of a kind. They embrace even the weird things about you. You are the main character in your own story. Why is it that so often we just settle for being the supporting actress/actor?
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